The past 6 months have been very fertile for everyone around me it seems! The first was a friend of mine who announced her PG in October just as we were starting to take steps to deal with our inability to get PG.
Next at Christmas my cousin and his wife announced their PG. They got PG their second month of trying.
Then another friend announced her PG that occurred on their first try and another cousin followed soon after also her first month of trying.
I have a good friend who started TTC a few months after us and we talked about our questions and struggles a lot throughout the months. She is now 15weeks PG.
I really didn't feel the sad/angry/jealous feelings that I know some people with IF feel when hearing how easy it is for others. However, there are three exceptions to this.
First if I see a PG stranger I am really bothered by it. This makes no sense to me. I have no idea what their story is and it really doesn't even matter. I want what they have and wouldn't want poeple looking at me feeling bitter/sad/angry. So why do I feel that?
Second and third is that I there are two couples (one good friend and the other my step-bro and his wife) that started TTC in May. Just the thought of them getting PG before us hurts. So why are they different than all our friends/family mentioned above? I have been asking myself that recently.
I think for my friend the reason is that they were initially going to wait 3 years before starting. But when myself, our other good friend, and her sister all started she decided to start. This isn't really a good reason but its all I got.
With my brother, its more simple. I want to be the first in my family. Again its an ugly reason but its true. They are a great couple, recently got married and had a beautiful wedding, it just feels like everything falls right into place for them. Which is great. I just wish that for us as well!!
Anyway, really there is no point to this post other than to finally "say" out loud what I have been feeling inside. It may be ugly but its true. Any tips or effective ways to manage these feelings are most welcome!!
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2 comments:
It's totally normal to feel that way. My best friend from high school started "trying" two months after we did and now has a 5 month old baby girl. Sad, no matter how you cut it. Sad that I feel so jealous and sad that we're not pregnant. Just sad.
Anyway, just wanted to say you're totally normal :) And if you're not, is anyone else dealing with this bullsh*t?!
I can totally relate. And honestly, you can't always "explain" your feelings ... and you shouldn't have to either. The only thing that is important is that you're feeling them and that you'll never work through them if you're just trying to surpress them.
My sister, who is 7 years younger and got married 2 years after us got pg her first month of the pill. And I'm not going to lie, I'm bitter and sad and angry about that. Of course, I'm super happy for her, too ... but that doesn't change my feelings.
In any case, don't feel bad for feeling what you're feeling ...
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