I can't believe this is happening again

Beta #2 is not good. We were aiming for 280 and it is only 122. Which means since Thursday it hasn't even doubled. The doctor says its either a lost twin or another miscarriage. Isn't it fucked up that I am desperately hoping its the former?

I go back on Wednesdsay. Though my guess is Wednesday's results will be inconclusive and I will have to go back on Friday. The doctor said I could wait till Friday as that would be more definitive and I said I couldn't wait.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKK.

So nervous for beta #2 today

The blood has been drawn for beta #2 and now the waiting begins. I watched the lady enter the requisition into the system and I think she put priority elevated instead of stat. Which means I may not hear until later this afternoon.

How I am feeling about the results depends on the minute. My boobs are somewhat sore though not excrutiatingly so as I hear some people describe. I have waves of nausea but it is not consistent. The AF like cramps have diminished. I still have them 2-3 times per day but not like I was last week.

I really wish I didn't have to work today.I have a lot to do but I know I will not be able to concentrate.

I will be back later to share the results. Please oh please oh please be above 250!!!

1st beta is partially in!

My first beta (14dpiui) is 70! While that is not the highest number in the world it is double my level during the cycle I miscarried.

My second beta is not until Monday, which seems like a long time away. By my calculations I should have two doublings occur by Monday. 48 hours would be Saturday so then my level should be 140ish. A second 48 would be Monday making my levels 280ish.

So 280 is my new fixating point!

I say the results are partially in because for some reason the progesterone levels are not available yet. I am on suppositories anyway so I guess its not a big deal.

Anyway, the idea that this PG could be healthy survives another day...

No I am not witholding the beta results...grrr

I missed the damn call from the doctors office yesterday. On Thursdays the infertility nurse is out and I always have tests/procedures on that day! The person who fills in just isn't as responsive (probably because she has other responsibilities and is just filling in). I waited all day and she finally called at 5:11 but I was on a conference call so I missed it.

I really want to know my number! I know its over 5 (meaning I am pregnant) but given what happened in May, I am hoping for a high-ish number to put my mind at a little ease.

I am going to call as soon as I get in to work and leave a message for them to call me ASAP. Of course I am interviewing job candidates all morning.

Please please please let this one stick!!!

2ww is over tomorrow!

My first beta is tomorrow morning (16dpt/14dpiui). I have tested twice at home. Yesterday there was a faint line, so faint it could have been evap. So today I tested with a digital and it says PREGNANT!!

While this is great news, this is also the same pattern as my last quasi-successful cycle where I ended up miscarrying. I have almost no symptoms aside from AF-like cramps and headaches which is exactly what I usually get when AF is about to visit.

I am keeping my fingers crossed for an unambiguous beta tomorrow and of course a doubling at the second beta.

Hallelujah! Thank you Colorado!

Regardless of your views on the turnout of the presidential election last night, I think most of us infertiles can rejoice in the fact that Amendent 48 was turned down in Colorado. For those of you who had not heard about this, this was the pro-life initiative to give person-status at the point of conception (i.e., embryos would be persons and entitled to all the rights we as people get in this country). I am so happy that people recognized the implications of such an initiative (or voted the way they did even if they didn't understand the implications).

Wooohoo!