A good friend of mine told me that she was PG the day before my third beta last week. I had been waiting (fearing) this announcement for a while. Not that I am not thrilled for her. I truly am. She and her husband had been trying for a while (slightly less than 1 year but still a while). She is very early and in fact is due 1 week before I am. When she heard our good beta results on Friday she was very excited exclaiming how awesome it would be to go through this together.
Here's the thing. Under "normal" circumstances I would totally agree. However, already at 5 weeks and 6 weeks pregnant the two of us have very different feelings/approaches to things. She is already feeling sick, outgrowing her clothes, tired, etc. I feel nothing. She is nothing but excited and has the attitude that come October she will have a baby. (I am sure she has some anxiety but not enough to make her cautious in any way). Me? I feel nothing. Not a single symptom. And I feel very anxious and weary that October will bring anything. I would love to have her attitude but with two previous losses, I can't stop the anxiety.
In fact, I asked my Dr today if I could have another beta on Friday. I just don't see myself being able to stay sane until next Thursday's u/s. She obliged so hopefully Friday things will still all be good.
I really don't want to be like this. I want to enjoy every second of this pregnancy. God knows I have wanted this more than anything for the past 2+ years. But how do I keep the negative thoughts out? How do I ignore that twice before I thought "this was it" and it wasn't?
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4 comments:
I'm not sure we have that luxury. I know I don't. If/when we ever get pregnant again, I know I will struggle with the same thing. I hope you get some reassurance on Friday and next Thursday!
It is completely normal to have that anxiety. Fortunately, the more good news you get, the more you'll start to feel comfortable with being pregnant (at least that's how it was for me). I get a little anxious at the end, but there were several months where I was just happy. I wish the same for you and very soon!
First of all, congrats!! I am so extremely happy for you. Your beta numbers were great and that is a very good sign. Also, remember once you have that first u/s and see/hear a heartbeat, your risk of a m/c goes down dramatically. All this said, however, I know exactly how you feel and I don't know a magic solution to it. We finally made it out of the scary 1st trimester, and then the really bad news hit. You have no guarantees. But the fact is, MOST people in your position go on to have very healthy pregnancies. Just hang on to that. Also, I didn't really start feeling sick until week 7 ... and knowing just HOW sick I have felt since then, I actually do hope you won't get too many crazy pg symptoms. Best of luck, I'm thinking of you and am so happy for you.
Hi - I am back in action - how was your beta??
Anxiety is my constant companion...
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